Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

How About Some R&R?

Coffee

“And so taking the long way home through the market I slow my pace down. It doesn’t come naturally. My legs are programmed to trot briskly and my arms to pump up and down like pistons, but I force myself to stroll past the stalls and pavement cafes. To enjoy just being somewhere, rather than rushing from somewhere, to somewhere. Inhaling deep lungfuls of air, instead of my usual shallow breaths. I take a moment to just stop and look around me. And smile to myself.
For the first time in a long time, I can, quite literally, smell the coffee.”

– Alexandra Potter, “The Two Lives of Miss Charlotte Merryweather”

My family loves to watch “Modern Family” together. My boys tease that I’m just like Claire Dunphy – the organized, overbearing, over-scheduled perfectionist. Tonight, we saw an episode in which a number of the characters were driving together and almost hit a truck. They all experienced varying levels of fear and clarity that life is so tenuous.

Luke decided to pull out his “bucket list” and check off every item, Claire became incredibly aware of how scheduled her life had become, Haley and Alex spent some quality time together. It got me thinking about the things I plan to do “when there’s time.” I run a pretty tight ship and rarely do things that aren’t on my list or calendar happen. I have this theory that people who don’t plan also don’t get anything done.

I actually schedule “R&R” days on my calendar (yes, I even schedule those). This is a day that everyone in my household (including myself) can do whatever we want – no questions asked. Maybe we all (especially the Claire’s) need more of those kinds of days and less of the ones with items to check off.

Photo courtesy of Frida.

Parenting

To Spank or Not to Spank?

Spanking

I know there are different approaches to raising children and I don’t claim to be an expert. However, I do find fault in spanking and here is why: I believe everyone deserves respect. Whether age 1 or age 101, all human beings should be treated with kindness and respect. This is where spanking falls down.

I became a single mom when my children were 6 and 3; it was difficult at times and there are many moments I’d like a “do over.” I only spanked them once though and I’ll never forget it. We were driving down the street and they were fighting. I asked them to stop again and again but they wouldn’t. It was one of those situations when I could feel the anger rising up in me – like a thermostat turning red.

I lost my temper, swerved to the curb, and jolted the car to a stop. I got out, slammed the car door shut, and opened the back door. I will never forget the look of fear on their little faces. I was so angry that I spanked them both once and then got back into my seat. I sat in the silence and thought about what had just happened.  Is this what I wanted to teach them? Is this the behavior I wanted them to emulate? I was ashamed to the core.

I never spanked them again. Life wasn’t perfect and I am no angel -I  broke some things, slammed some doors and cupboards, stormed out of the house, and spent a fair amount of time crying too. But I never raised a hand to them.

How did they turn out? Well, they’re 17 and 14 now, their rooms are messy most days, they get really good grades, they don’t do their laundry until they’re out of clothing, they love video games, they eat constantly, and they’re pretty typical teens. But they’re respectful and helpful to everyone we meet, and for that, I am truly grateful.

Photo courtesy of Ben Husmann.

Happiness, Life lessons

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

Spilled Milk

I remember hearing the term, “Don’t cry over spilled milk” when I was young. I never really understood it – why would someone cry over spilled milk? Why not just clean it up?

The point is, don’t overreact when things go south. And they will. Let’s face it, sometimes things just happen – someone cuts us off, hail damages our car, we stub our toe, our hearts get broken. We can’t control others and we can’t control what happens, but we can control how we react. And that is the key: instead of dwelling on and festering over, move on. Just clean up the milk and pour another glass.

Photo courtesy of Esther Gibbons.

Happiness, Life lessons

Live It Up!

Uncycles and Donuts

Do you remember when you were 10 and you thought you’d live forever?

Do you remember when you were 20 and couldn’t wait for your life to begin?

Here’s the funny thing: life happens when we’re not looking. One day you wake up and realize that you’ve actually lived a lot. You’ve seen a lot and learned a lot and, dare I say it, eaten a lot. Weren’t those french fries great?!

Anyway, my point is that it’s a short ride so make it a good one. Paint your masterpiece, write your novel, climb your mountain. Do it now and then when you’re old and gray, you can tell your grandchildren all about it, over and over again. Just don’t tell them I told you to do it.

Photo courtesy of Robert Couse-Baker.

Life lessons

Leadership at its Best

Leadership

A good friend, mentor and consummate leader recently left my company. The impact that this man had on our organization, and on me personally, simply cannot be relayed. As I reflect on him as a person, the one thing I find that sets him apart is his character. A man of his word, a man with solid advice, a man you know is in your corner, his kindness is unparalleled.

Some tips I think he might pass along about leadership:

  • Put the right people in place and let them succeed
  • Treat everyone with respect
  • Rally around your troops in good times and in bad
  • Learn people’s names and remember what’s important to them
  • Never take the credit but always show your appreciation

As we move forward in our careers and in our lives, may we all be as sincere and kind as he. Godspeed my friend, and know that I am always here for you.

Image by Emily Dowdle.

Happiness, Life lessons

Follow your Own Path

Fork in the road

You may find that your heart seeks a different path than those around you. When you consider the great artists and musicians, writers and leaders, you’ll find that they didn’t take traditional paths either. Sometimes you have to sway left or right or even forge a whole new trail in order to find your version of success.

When I was younger, I thought that everyone should go to college, get a job, buy a house, work their way up the ladder, save for retirement, and spend their golden years traveling. It’s not a bad way to live but it isn’t the only way. It’s the route I’ve taken and now I’m wondering if there might be a bend in the road. Here’s the cool part: that’s okay.

It’s okay to:

  • change your mind
  • pursue something different
  • make mistakes
  • seek help
  • be happy on your own terms

The older I get, the more I realize that everyone has their own path they must follow. I hope yours finds you happiness.

Photo courtesy of Gary Millar.

Happiness, Life lessons

Be Present Today

Buddha

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

Photo by Neonow.

Happiness, Self care

Fill Yourself Up

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One way to ensure you’re always at your best is to fill yourself up. Fill yourself with all the happiness you can find.

Ten ways to start:

  • Make or buy yourself a delicious cup of coffee or tea
  • Call an old friend just to say, “Hey!”
  • Visit a neighborhood shop and browse
  • Hug all the special people in your life
  • Go for a nice walk and stop midway to look up at the trees and sky
  • Set aside 30 minutes for a great book
  • Congratulate yourself on all your accomplishments
  • Pet your cat or dog for a full five minutes
  • Luxuriate in a hot bat or shower
  • Listen to some beautiful music

As you fill yourself up, you’ll most assuredly share that love and happiness with those around you. And so it continues.

Photo courtesy of Vladimer Shioshvili.