A friend of mine asked me how to forgive. Wow, talk about a million dollar question.
I thought back on my life and the times when I hung on to blame and fury. The simplest thing could set me off and instead of recognizing it for what it was, I seethed more.
I liken forgiveness to a boat on a river. When you’re angry or blaming another for anything in your life, you’re working against the river. You’re clenched against a losing battle, trying desperately to hold close to that rock. You may hold your ground but you’ll never move ahead and you will, most likely, move back.
When you forgive, when you let things go, all of a sudden the river calms. You simply float.
But how do you get there? The first step is to recognize that you need to change your viewpoint and that you’re only hurting yourself. Anger does not affect anyone but you. Remember when you flew off the handle at something seemingly benign? You can thank the anger for that.
The next step is to view what you’ve been through as an avenue of growth. You survived it and learned something in the process. Are you stronger? More independent? Do you value life or love or friendship differently? I view life as one big lesson. That’s why we’re so much wiser as we age.
The third step is to imagine the situation from the other person’s perspective. None of us are faultless or perfect. How would he or she share the story? It’s highly doubtful you would be relayed as a victim – and you don’t want to be the victim anyway. You are strong and resilient.
The last step, and this one may take a while, is to wish him or her well in the future. It is true that everything we put out there returns to us. So even if this person is no longer in your life, if you’ve parted ways, be happy that you had some time together and wish the best for both of you.
“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” Author unknown.