Parenting

Happiness, Parenting

How do you like your stories?

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It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog. I could blame it on COVID but it’s probably just that I ran out of things to say.

Well, I’m happy to report that I’m back – and this time with some stories. I’ve always loved books and some recent encouragement that my voice brings solace propelled me to record some podcasts. These are stories found on Project Gutenberg (Gutenberg.org) – a site with over 60K free eBooks with a focus on older works that are no longer under U.S. copyright. These are children’s stories but they are not limited to children.

For example, my latest addition is “Alice in Wonderland,” written by Lewis Carroll. Though it’s identified as a children’s book, the imagery and adventures that Alice experiences appeals to all ages. So, I invite you, your kids, your parents, and your friends, to check it out and let me know what you think. I’m happy to take requests too – I’ve already received one for “Mark Twain” so that may be up next.

I must thank my sons, Nick and Tony Capra, for their unfailing guidance and support throughout this process. Without their ongoing assistance, advice, and technical mastery, this would never have happened. A special thanks to Kateri Kramer too, for her signature artwork that exemplifies the love and hope I hope these stories bring.

Each week, I’ll add a chapter to the roster. But there are already a few for you to start with – so happy reading – and listening – to you. I hope you enjoy your story today…

Life lessons, Parenting

Be Mindful of your Words

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I believe in you

Do you recall something your parents told you when you were young? Or perhaps a teacher or friend? Isn’t it amazing what influence a few words can have upon you? Whether words of encouragement or words of scorn, they color our world. They influence our lives.

A perfect example of how words can influence a life is Maya Angelou. Her neighbor-turned-teacher, Mrs. Flowers, encouraged Angelou to read, even taking her to the library to read books there. As she continued to read, Angelou found that she loved poetry. Her teacher would have her come to her house and read the poetry to her and that encouraged Angelou even more. According to Wikipedia, “Flowers introduced her to authors such as Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe, Douglas Johnson, and James Weldon Johnson, authors who would affect her life and career, as well as black female artists like Frances Harper, Anne Spencer, and Jessie Fauset.” Angelou, who had a difficult childhood, went on to become a successful author, poet, and civil rights activist.

Be mindful of your words to those around you, for you may be influencing their future.

Photo courtesy of ckubber.

Parenting

To Spank or Not to Spank?

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Spanking

I know there are different approaches to raising children and I don’t claim to be an expert. However, I do find fault in spanking and here is why: I believe everyone deserves respect. Whether age 1 or age 101, all human beings should be treated with kindness and respect. This is where spanking falls down.

I became a single mom when my children were 6 and 3; it was difficult at times and there are many moments I’d like a “do over.” I only spanked them once though and I’ll never forget it. We were driving down the street and they were fighting. I asked them to stop again and again but they wouldn’t. It was one of those situations when I could feel the anger rising up in me – like a thermostat turning red.

I lost my temper, swerved to the curb, and jolted the car to a stop. I got out, slammed the car door shut, and opened the back door. I will never forget the look of fear on their little faces. I was so angry that I spanked them both once and then got back into my seat. I sat in the silence and thought about what had just happened.  Is this what I wanted to teach them? Is this the behavior I wanted them to emulate? I was ashamed to the core.

I never spanked them again. Life wasn’t perfect and I am no angel -I  broke some things, slammed some doors and cupboards, stormed out of the house, and spent a fair amount of time crying too. But I never raised a hand to them.

How did they turn out? Well, they’re 17 and 14 now, their rooms are messy most days, they get really good grades, they don’t do their laundry until they’re out of clothing, they love video games, they eat constantly, and they’re pretty typical teens. But they’re respectful and helpful to everyone we meet, and for that, I am truly grateful.

Photo courtesy of Ben Husmann.

Happiness, Parenting

Censorship

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Censorship

Can it be that we’re in a time machine? Is it even possible that censorship is being proposed in our school system?

I don’t follow the news much but this recent craziness regarding changing what we teach our students so that we can “promote citizenship, patriotism, essentials and benefits of the free enterprise system, respect for authority and respect for individual rights” as well as not “encourage or condone civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law” has me in a state of wonder.

The United States of America does not have a pretty past but that does not mean we can stick our heads in the sand and pretend those things didn’t happen. How else can we learn not to make the same mistakes again? I recently read a great book inspired by the historical figure of Sarah Grimke. “The Invention of Wings” by Sue Monk Kidd follows two young girls – one white, one black – who wondered why they had the roles they did. Why one had to “own” the other? Why girls couldn’t own property or vote? They both eventually made real changes in their world and isn’t that what it’s all about?

No country is perfect just as no individual is perfect. We are all learning as we go and we hope we’re heading in the right direction. It is only by reflection that we can see whether we need to steer left or right, front or back. To the students and teachers who are speaking out against this censorship, I applaud you. For that truly is a step in the right direction.

Photo by Andréia Bohner

Parenting

Learning to Learn

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Education

My son has been receiving materials from universities interested in him attending their schools. Swarthmore College, located in Swarthmore, Pennsylvania, sent a small booklet of a Keynote Address given to an audience of 8th, 9th, and 10th graders and their parents. The address was held at a Youth Odyssey Series sponsored by the Institute for the Academic Advancement of Youth. In it, the benefits of pursuing a liberal arts degree are discussed.

Although my boys both have scientific minds, and are hoping to become engineers, I like the gist of this address: pursue an education for the sake of learning how to learn, and how to enjoy learning. “And the experience of learning joyfully becomes ingrained in the person so that learning becomes a habit that not only continues but deepens through life, whatever career we choose to be in.”

My hope is that every child has that chance.

Photo courtesy of BK.

 

Parenting, Self care

Can we do it all?

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SingleMom

I just finished Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In” which questions traditional gender roles and encourages both men and women to shirk off old expectations. Research has found that children are treated differently based on their gender right from the get go. It’s no wonder that we continue these “roles” into adulthood.

One section of particular interest to me was on the question women have been asking for years: “Can we do it all?”

As a single Mom who never stopped working, I uttered that question more than once. I carried a lot of guilt about not being more involved in school projects, not baking cupcakes for my sons’ Halloween parties, not setting up more playdates, not being there when they came home from school. I also carried a bit of jealousy for the stay-at-home Moms (and Dads) who had the chance to do all of that.

That was a lot to carry and it wasn’t necessary. “The right question is not, ‘Can I do it all?’ but ‘Can I do what’s most important for me and my family?'” 

Photo courtesy of Easy Wingman.

Life lessons, Parenting

Great Expectations

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I’m leaving on a trip to San Fran today. It’s for work but I’ve managed to add in some fun time with a dear friend too. Napa Valley, here I come!

I wanted to spend some quality time with my boys yesterday. I did that thing you’re not supposed to do: had Great Expectations. I imagined us gathered around, playing cards and eating delicious snacks, having a fabulous time. It didn’t quite turn out that way. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it just didn’t click.

We managed to salvage it in the end with pizza and tickle fights but with the holidays coming up, I will certainly try to keep those expectations down and spirits up.

Happiness, Parenting

The Terrible Teens

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When I first got pregnant, I worried about three things:

– One: How much pain are we talking about?

– Two: What will I feed them since I don’t cook?

– Three: How will I handle the teen years?

The answers were “quite a bit,” “pasta and then you’ll learn more,” and “quite easily.” Maybe my kids are different, or maybe we’re not quite there yet (they’re 12 and 15) but my boys are still really sweet.

Yes, they leave their socks around the house (what’s with that?); yes, they wait till the last minute to do their homework (I usually have to spin my head like in The Exorcist to help them get to it); and yes, they eat constantly. But overall, they’re good boys – smart, wise, resourceful. They’re my IT department, my sages, my little loves. They take part in family meetings and decisions, help with dinner, do their chores (with a bit of reminding), and get really good grades in school.

So if you’re wondering, “Should I take the plunge?” my answer would be an emphatic yes. Look out for the socks though.