Life lessons

Happiness, Life lessons

Opportunity Found

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Opportunity

How many times have you heard “opportunity lost”?

Things like:

“I should have…

  • told my parents how much I appreciated them.”
  • traveled more when I was young.”
  • stuck it out and pursued what I really wanted.”

So many times, especially in our youth, we imagine that there’ll be another chance. It isn’t until we’re older that we realize that second chances are rare. Watch that sunset over the harbor now because if you stop to grab your camera, you may miss the crimson hue. Take the trip, try for the job, phone your old friend, give the speech, dance with the guy, make a difference.

I’ve tried to explain this to my son but he doesn’t get it. I didn’t at 15 either.

He’s been accepted into a committee that will develop a state college prep program for high school kids. He and 34 other sophomores and juniors from around the state were nominated and selected based on their drive, intellect and creativity. It’s an honor to participate and the accolades are numerous. He’ll meet a variety of state officials as well as business owners, will learn how to write state legislation, and will bond with other kids like himself.

At this time, he doesn’t see just how beneficial this is, nor that an opportunity like this only comes around once. I let him make the decision on his participation and luckily, he chose wisely. As those of us who’ve held back have learned, grabbing the rope is the only choice that matters.

If you look “lost opportunity” up on thesaurus.com, you’ll get synonyms like disuse, loss, squander, and wastage. Here’s to ridding those words from our lives. And kudos to my kid, who’s made his mother proud.

Image by Seaternity.

Happiness

Rock Stars, Sexual Discrimination & Quantum Physics

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I attended Dreamforce, an annual conference held by Salesforce, in San Francisco late last year. Here are some nuggets to ponder from that event…

Alec Baldwin
Smart, funny and witty, Alec drew the curtain on what it’s like to be famous. Made me want to never look at another news rag in the supermarket line. It also made me ask myself, “Why are we so obsessed with movie stars?”
 
Green Day and Blondie
Blondie was great but Green Day was cursed by the rain. The electrical system suffered a blow and killed the sound system. After the band’s speakers sputtered to a dead silence, the lead singer, Billie Joe Armstrong, performed an intimate acoustic set for the fans up front. A real demonstration of passion and dedication.
 
Huey Lewis and the News
A surprise performance that made my week. They performed a few favorites during the keynote and then more outside. Is it even possible to imagine that it’s been 30 years? They transported me back to the days of waxing my first car in my parent’s driveway – not a care in the world other than, “Will he call?”
 
Sexual Discrimination
Sheryl Sandberg shed light on the sexual discrimination both sexes hold. She brought up that girls and boys are treated differently from the start. A young girl who takes charge is seen as “bossy” while a young boy is a “leader.” 
 
She made me realize my own discrimination as I’d exclaimed at the beginning of the conference, “Two young women are C-level officers at major corporations?!,” (Sheryl Sandburg is the COO at Facebook and Melissa Mayer is the CEO of Yahoo!). Sadly, I wouldn’t have had the same reaction had they been men.
 
Read Sheryl Sandburg’s book, “Lean In” to help bring about recognition and change.
 
Deepak Chopra
Deepak was THE anticipated speaker for me. I’ve read his books, blogs, and am generally awestruck by his viewpoint. He didn’t disappoint with insights on:
 
– The formula for happiness:
S (Set point which is determined from birth: 50%)
+ C (Conditions of living: 10-12%)
+V (Voluntary action: what you do with your time – it should include fulfillment, a creative outlet and make others happy)
 
– The two biggest questions:
1. What is the stuff of the universe? 
2. What is this nothing from where we all come?
I didn’t even want to breathe in this section of his talk for fear I’d miss something. It was spellbinding prose on quantum physics and recent discoveries. “There are 40 billion habitable planets in our universe,” according to a recent finding. 40 billion! 
 
– Deepak’s new program to bring balance between two alarming, contradicting health issues: obesity in the United States and starvation in other countries. Learn more.
 
His recommendations: 
1. Know yourself. What are your weaknesses? Do you eat when you’re stressed?
2. Love yourself. If I love myself, what choice would I make? Burger or salad? Treat yourself with the love and attention you’d give your child.
 
Wayne Dyer
Dr. Wayne Dyer sat serenely in his chair, as in a fireside chat, while sharing his insights on happiness and wholeness. He talked about how changing your thoughts changes your life, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” 
 
He asked, “What are the top three things Americans do for pleasure?” My first guess was alcohol, my friend’s was sex. She was closer than I. They are:
1. Shopping
2. Food
3. Sex
 
Unfortunately, these will not bring lasting happiness. Meditation, moving away from the ego, and embracing what makes you feel good are the things that do.
 
He also asked, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Wow. there’s a question that points to so many other books I’ve read. What would I do if I weren’t afraid? I’d do all the things I’d envisioned when I was an idealistic, optimistic, college student. I’d paint, write, make a difference in the world. I guess I’ve mapped out my to do list for the next 20 years.
 
David Agus
Dr. Agus shared the breakthrough “predictive medicine” concept – getting advanced insight into what diseases you may be apt to have later in life and taking preventative measures now. 
 
He also touched on the importance of schedules – for meals, sleep and exercise. In a clinical study, there is a 30% increase in productivity and retention in children with consistent sleep schedules. 
Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

Live a Good Life

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GoodLife

I had the privilege of attending a wedding recently and sitting next to a 92-year-old man. He was a friend’s Dad and he was certainly not what I would picture when I think 92 years. He was in good shape, had great hearing, didn’t wear glasses, and was complaining that the wine wasn’t sweet enough.

At the risk of being rude, I asked him what his secret was. “What secret?” he barked. “The secret to being 92 years old.” “Oh, that,” he answered quickly, as though he’s asked all the time – which I’m sure he is. “The secret is to be careful and live a good life.”

He went on to tell me some stories about his time in the military but my mind kept whirling around those few words: “Live a Good Life.” Not – take your vitamins, run 3 miles a day, avoid sugar, don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, stay away from cheeseburgers, or jump through hoops to look younger than you are. Simply “Live a Good Life.”

“What does that look like?” I thought. “Am I doing it right now?”

I’ve become achingly aware lately that I am not immortal. And yet there’s so much left to do. See the pyramids, learn to play the piano, read all of the classics, watch Monty Python a few hundred more times, deliver flowers to ladies in nursing homes and cookies to the men, find an amazing red dress and wear it, dance in the middle of the street, learn the constellations, learn Spanish, lie on the beach and listen to the waves, learn how to read palms and how to milk a cow. So much!

Whether I have five years left or 50, I’ll strive to make the most of it so that when I’m at the end, I can say that I too, lived a good life.

Photo courtesy of Mr. TGT.

Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

Letting Go

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PeacefulRiver

A friend of mine asked me how to forgive. Wow, talk about a million dollar question.

I thought back on my life and the times when I hung on to blame and fury. The simplest thing could set me off and instead of recognizing it for what it was, I seethed more.

I liken forgiveness to a boat on a river. When you’re angry or blaming another for  anything in your life, you’re working against the river. You’re clenched against a losing battle, trying desperately to hold close to that rock. You may hold your ground but you’ll never move ahead and you will, most likely, move back.

When you forgive, when you let things go, all of a sudden the river calms. You simply float.

But how do you get there? The first step is to recognize that you need to change your viewpoint and that you’re only hurting yourself. Anger does not affect anyone but you. Remember when you flew off the handle at something seemingly benign? You can thank the anger for that.

The next step is to view what you’ve been through as an avenue of growth. You survived it and learned something in the process. Are you stronger? More independent? Do you value life or love or friendship differently? I view life as one big lesson. That’s why we’re so much wiser as we age.

The third step is to imagine the situation from the other person’s perspective. None of us are faultless or perfect. How would he or she share the story? It’s highly doubtful you would be relayed as a victim – and you don’t want to be the victim anyway. You are strong and resilient.

The last step, and this one may take a while, is to wish him or her well in the future. It is true that everything we put out there returns to us. So even if this person is no longer in your life, if you’ve parted ways, be happy that you had some time together and wish the best for both of you.

“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” Author unknown.

Photo courtesy of Caroline.

Happiness, Life lessons

The Bravest Man I Know

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A friend of mine has been fighting for his life for over seven months.

He’s a peaceful guy. An artist, a fisherman, a reader – soulful and relaxed. Picture a guy fishing by the lake under a clear blue sky showing a child how to tie a fly, not a care in the world, and that is Jack. He’s the guy who, when you speak to him, he really hears you, really listens. He’s not distracted by his phone or work or anything else. He’s the kind of guy you envy and then wish you hadn’t. How can you envy someone so kind? He has more friends than anyone but is also the most modest fellow you can find. 

Since his diagnosis, one he dealt with nine years ago as well, he has had to leave his job, be admitted to the hospital again and again, spend Christmas surrounded by noisy machines and cold floors, suffer through a myriad of medications that caused confusion and nausea and pain, and see his wife and daughters deal with uncertainty and fear on a daily basis.

His plight has been long with no end in sight. Recently, he made the decision to stop. He cannot take any more poking or prodding, more unfulfilled promises. He’s been moved from a hospital bed to a hospice bed to spend the rest of his days at peace. 

I was thinking about how hard that decision must have been. To say, “I give this to God now, I surrender.” How many thoughts must rustle in your head as you ponder the next steps for you and your family. As far as I’m concerned, he is the bravest man I know. My friend, my comrade, Jack.

Happiness, Self care

Love your legs

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Legs

I pulled a muscle in my calf last weekend running up a hill. A friend calls it “blowing out your calf” or “calf heart attack” – both more accurate ways to describe it. One minute I was fine, the next I heard and felt a snap (like a rubber band) and could barely walk.

One thing I realized after my injury and diagnosis is that I take my legs for granted. As we were driving from the doctor’s office, I saw all of these people on the street, walking or running like it was the most natural thing. I thought to myself, “Those people don’t even realize how lucky they are!”

When I’m back on my feet, and walking, running, dancing, doing yoga, climbing stairs and riding my bike, I hope I remember one thing: I sure do love my legs.

Photo courtesy of Franco Folini.

 

Happiness, Self care

Love is . . .

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LoveIs

When I was young, there was a cartoon called, “Love is…” that appeared in the Rocky Mountain News that I found both adorable and disturbing. The young characters rarely wore clothing and they were always doing sweet (and many times, sappy) things for each other.

I’ve been thinking about that cartoon a lot lately. My boyfriend takes care of me – really takes care of me. He took me to the doctor yesterday after I sprained a muscle, worried it could be more; fixed the heater in my yoga room because he knows I like to be warm in the morning; learned to make delicious french toast so he’d have something in his arsenal for a hearty breakfast.

Taking care of me usually fell on me, so suddenly having someone else who not only wants to do it, but will, is humbling. I suddenly feel like that little girl in the cartoon, coddled and cuddled, loved and adored. It’s funny how things from your youth come full circle. Funny and grand.

Photo courtesy of gags9999.

Parenting, Self care

Can we do it all?

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SingleMom

I just finished Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In” which questions traditional gender roles and encourages both men and women to shirk off old expectations. Research has found that children are treated differently based on their gender right from the get go. It’s no wonder that we continue these “roles” into adulthood.

One section of particular interest to me was on the question women have been asking for years: “Can we do it all?”

As a single Mom who never stopped working, I uttered that question more than once. I carried a lot of guilt about not being more involved in school projects, not baking cupcakes for my sons’ Halloween parties, not setting up more playdates, not being there when they came home from school. I also carried a bit of jealousy for the stay-at-home Moms (and Dads) who had the chance to do all of that.

That was a lot to carry and it wasn’t necessary. “The right question is not, ‘Can I do it all?’ but ‘Can I do what’s most important for me and my family?'” 

Photo courtesy of Easy Wingman.

Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

You say you want a resolution, well, y’know

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FlowerInHand

I have always been a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. I think of it as a way to start fresh and recreate myself. Each year, I hunker down and make my list. It usually includes:

  • Meditate
  • Exercise
  • Clean out/simplify
  • Live in the moment
  • Relax

This year, it occurred to me that I’ve done well in some areas. Yoga, for example, made my list years ago and it’s now a daily staple. But, for the most part, I still struggle with the others.

Might it be that creating resolutions prevents me from living in the moment? Or that the stress of refining what I hope to accomplish keeps me from relaxing?

When I think about the people I admire most, they don’t seem to worry about reinvention. Frankly, they don’t seem to worry. Maybe that’s the key.

Photo courtesy of Alice Popkorn.

Happiness

Hug me, won’t you?

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Hugs

I once read that 8-10 hugs per day increases your health, emotional state, and general well being. I grew up in a household where we always kissed and hugged upon arrival and departure. It was normal to me and now, of course, I’ve passed it on to my boys. When I see homeless people on the side of the road, I wonder, “Do they have someone to hug?”

I think the reason hugs are so restorative is that they connect you with another soul, if only for a few seconds. It’s like, for once, all the ego, judgement and differences disappear and we’re just two people sharing a moment in time.

Imagine what a different world this would be if hugs replaced jealousy. If hugs replaced ignorance and fear. Imagine…

Merry Christmas and lots of hugs to you and yours.

Photo courtesy of Tambako The Jaguar.