Happiness

Happiness, Self care

He’s Just Not That Into You

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WomanwithPhone

The movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You” was on last week. I had seen it years ago, when it was first released, and thought, “Yes, of course!” and wished I’d learned that lesson when I was 16. How much anguish would that have saved?

If you haven’t seen the film, the message is that if a guy likes you, you’ll know it. I remember one guy I’d met at a bar sent me roses the next day. I hadn’t given him my phone number or address and this was long before the internet. He had found it through some other source. Scary? Maybe. Romantic? Absolutely. Ladies, my point is that you should not have to decipher his comments. If he likes you, you’ll know it.

Now that I’m in a good relationship, it seems so elementary. But I remember being single and wondering, “Did he lose my number?” or telling myself, “Oh, he’s probably just busy at work and that’s why he forgot to call when he said he would,” and other nauseous self talk.

If you’re waiting for the phone to ring, stop.

Photo courtesy of Nana B Agyei.

Happiness, Travel

Gelato and Sunshine

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Positano

I just returned from two weeks in Italy. We started in Venezia (Venice), then visited Firenze (Florence), Pisa, Roma (Rome), and lastly, Positano. That last stop was thanks to the movie, “Only You” and was well worth the train ride and subsequent boat ride, even if we did only get to spend one full day.

There’s a different pace in Italy that I’d like to bring home. It’s slower and more “present.” Or perhaps I was more present. I did consciously experience every moment: running down the platform to catch our first train with only 30 seconds to spare; eating gelato while strolling the streets of every city we visited; riding in a gondola under a full moon while families put their children to bed and chefs assembled dinners for hungry tourists; feeling lucky to be able to share this unbelievable experience with my beau and my boys.

Some tips I bring back: pack light, don’t hang your freshly washed clothes out on a line right before a rain storm, eat as much gelato as you can stand (believe me, you can stand heaps), and throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain to ensure your return. Arrivederci Italia!

Photo courtesy of Garyturner.

Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

Snapped!

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Stress

“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?”

Excerpt from “Firework“ by Katy Perry

You know how sometimes you’ll read about a woman who’s snapped? She’s in the grocery store and flips out or she’s driving down the road and slams into a tree, all for no reason at all, or so it seems? I was that woman today. No, I didn’t hurt anyone and you won’t read about me in the news, but I did have a particularly stressful morning.

I take my boys to school every day. Their schools are relatively close to each other but not very close to my house and actually pretty far from my work. On this particular morning, my oldest wanted to get to school earlier than usual. If we’re in the car by 7:05 am, we can make it. We weren’t. For one thing, I reminded them that they needed to dump the trash and recycle. Why they’re unable to notice both of these items stacked up like ice cream cones is beyond me.

Anyway, after scrambling with breakfasts, lunches, and chores, we jump in the car and head to the highway. This morning, it was at a standstill. What to do? Take a chance and hope it clears up or go another route? I chose another route. Wrong. First, the lights are working against us, then a firetruck has to back into the firehouse, then traffic is so bad that I can’t access the street I need to get to the first school. Heading to the second school was almost as bad – there were literally two geese crossing Colorado Boulevard. What?!

At this point, I realized that I was really stressed. Unfortunately, realizing you’re stressed doesn’t mean you can do anything about it. In fact, it can actually add to your stress level because you’re now in flight or fight mode and ready to rumble. We all have these days. What to do when this happens? Just breathe. Take five deep breaths and realize tomorrow is another day. Oh, and try not to strangle anyone.

Photo courtesy of Sander van der Wel.

Happiness

Happy Mother’s Day

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MothersDay

“His little hands stole my heart… and his little feet ran away with it.” Anonymous

When I was in my twenties, I never imagined I’d want children. They seemed expensive, overwhelming, and a whole lot of work. Besides, I had so much to do – travel to all of the great places in the world, find my beach house, change the world.

At the age of 30 though, my priorities changed; suddenly, a baby made sense. And the day that I became a Mom is the day I realized that I’d never go back. There is something so amazing about this little part of you – so dependent and adorable. I remember spending hours just looking at my babies, imagining what they were thinking and wondering who they would become.

Now that they’re 15 and 12, “who they would become” is unfolding before my eyes. It’s awe inspiring to see what interests them, where their strengths lie, what makes them tick. The fact that there’s a holiday to celebrate Moms makes sense to me, for we get to celebrate our children every day of our lives.

Photo courtesy of Kaushal Vaidya.

Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

Take Care of You

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WomanonBeach

I’ve never been a fan of the premise of the film, “Pretty Woman” – beautiful woman in dire situation saved by handsome man. I rather like that a woman can save herself. However, there’s one line that I love. Throughout the film, our heroine and her girlfriend tell each other, “Take care of you.”

It’s so important, and yet so easy to forget. Women, especially, have this drive to care for others: our men, children, parents, families, friends, pets, plants, you name it. But the most important one we should be concerned with is ourselves. If we’re happy, we’ll make others happy too.

So whether you’re male or female, take a moment now and take care of you.

Photo courtesy of Nickay3111.

Happiness, Life lessons

Opportunity Found

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Opportunity

How many times have you heard “opportunity lost”?

Things like:

“I should have…

  • told my parents how much I appreciated them.”
  • traveled more when I was young.”
  • stuck it out and pursued what I really wanted.”

So many times, especially in our youth, we imagine that there’ll be another chance. It isn’t until we’re older that we realize that second chances are rare. Watch that sunset over the harbor now because if you stop to grab your camera, you may miss the crimson hue. Take the trip, try for the job, phone your old friend, give the speech, dance with the guy, make a difference.

I’ve tried to explain this to my son but he doesn’t get it. I didn’t at 15 either.

He’s been accepted into a committee that will develop a state college prep program for high school kids. He and 34 other sophomores and juniors from around the state were nominated and selected based on their drive, intellect and creativity. It’s an honor to participate and the accolades are numerous. He’ll meet a variety of state officials as well as business owners, will learn how to write state legislation, and will bond with other kids like himself.

At this time, he doesn’t see just how beneficial this is, nor that an opportunity like this only comes around once. I let him make the decision on his participation and luckily, he chose wisely. As those of us who’ve held back have learned, grabbing the rope is the only choice that matters.

If you look “lost opportunity” up on thesaurus.com, you’ll get synonyms like disuse, loss, squander, and wastage. Here’s to ridding those words from our lives. And kudos to my kid, who’s made his mother proud.

Image by Seaternity.

Happiness

Rock Stars, Sexual Discrimination & Quantum Physics

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I attended Dreamforce, an annual conference held by Salesforce, in San Francisco late last year. Here are some nuggets to ponder from that event…

Alec Baldwin
Smart, funny and witty, Alec drew the curtain on what it’s like to be famous. Made me want to never look at another news rag in the supermarket line. It also made me ask myself, “Why are we so obsessed with movie stars?”
 
Green Day and Blondie
Blondie was great but Green Day was cursed by the rain. The electrical system suffered a blow and killed the sound system. After the band’s speakers sputtered to a dead silence, the lead singer, Billie Joe Armstrong, performed an intimate acoustic set for the fans up front. A real demonstration of passion and dedication.
 
Huey Lewis and the News
A surprise performance that made my week. They performed a few favorites during the keynote and then more outside. Is it even possible to imagine that it’s been 30 years? They transported me back to the days of waxing my first car in my parent’s driveway – not a care in the world other than, “Will he call?”
 
Sexual Discrimination
Sheryl Sandberg shed light on the sexual discrimination both sexes hold. She brought up that girls and boys are treated differently from the start. A young girl who takes charge is seen as “bossy” while a young boy is a “leader.” 
 
She made me realize my own discrimination as I’d exclaimed at the beginning of the conference, “Two young women are C-level officers at major corporations?!,” (Sheryl Sandburg is the COO at Facebook and Melissa Mayer is the CEO of Yahoo!). Sadly, I wouldn’t have had the same reaction had they been men.
 
Read Sheryl Sandburg’s book, “Lean In” to help bring about recognition and change.
 
Deepak Chopra
Deepak was THE anticipated speaker for me. I’ve read his books, blogs, and am generally awestruck by his viewpoint. He didn’t disappoint with insights on:
 
– The formula for happiness:
S (Set point which is determined from birth: 50%)
+ C (Conditions of living: 10-12%)
+V (Voluntary action: what you do with your time – it should include fulfillment, a creative outlet and make others happy)
 
– The two biggest questions:
1. What is the stuff of the universe? 
2. What is this nothing from where we all come?
I didn’t even want to breathe in this section of his talk for fear I’d miss something. It was spellbinding prose on quantum physics and recent discoveries. “There are 40 billion habitable planets in our universe,” according to a recent finding. 40 billion! 
 
– Deepak’s new program to bring balance between two alarming, contradicting health issues: obesity in the United States and starvation in other countries. Learn more.
 
His recommendations: 
1. Know yourself. What are your weaknesses? Do you eat when you’re stressed?
2. Love yourself. If I love myself, what choice would I make? Burger or salad? Treat yourself with the love and attention you’d give your child.
 
Wayne Dyer
Dr. Wayne Dyer sat serenely in his chair, as in a fireside chat, while sharing his insights on happiness and wholeness. He talked about how changing your thoughts changes your life, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” 
 
He asked, “What are the top three things Americans do for pleasure?” My first guess was alcohol, my friend’s was sex. She was closer than I. They are:
1. Shopping
2. Food
3. Sex
 
Unfortunately, these will not bring lasting happiness. Meditation, moving away from the ego, and embracing what makes you feel good are the things that do.
 
He also asked, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Wow. there’s a question that points to so many other books I’ve read. What would I do if I weren’t afraid? I’d do all the things I’d envisioned when I was an idealistic, optimistic, college student. I’d paint, write, make a difference in the world. I guess I’ve mapped out my to do list for the next 20 years.
 
David Agus
Dr. Agus shared the breakthrough “predictive medicine” concept – getting advanced insight into what diseases you may be apt to have later in life and taking preventative measures now. 
 
He also touched on the importance of schedules – for meals, sleep and exercise. In a clinical study, there is a 30% increase in productivity and retention in children with consistent sleep schedules. 
Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

Live a Good Life

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GoodLife

I had the privilege of attending a wedding recently and sitting next to a 92-year-old man. He was a friend’s Dad and he was certainly not what I would picture when I think 92 years. He was in good shape, had great hearing, didn’t wear glasses, and was complaining that the wine wasn’t sweet enough.

At the risk of being rude, I asked him what his secret was. “What secret?” he barked. “The secret to being 92 years old.” “Oh, that,” he answered quickly, as though he’s asked all the time – which I’m sure he is. “The secret is to be careful and live a good life.”

He went on to tell me some stories about his time in the military but my mind kept whirling around those few words: “Live a Good Life.” Not – take your vitamins, run 3 miles a day, avoid sugar, don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, stay away from cheeseburgers, or jump through hoops to look younger than you are. Simply “Live a Good Life.”

“What does that look like?” I thought. “Am I doing it right now?”

I’ve become achingly aware lately that I am not immortal. And yet there’s so much left to do. See the pyramids, learn to play the piano, read all of the classics, watch Monty Python a few hundred more times, deliver flowers to ladies in nursing homes and cookies to the men, find an amazing red dress and wear it, dance in the middle of the street, learn the constellations, learn Spanish, lie on the beach and listen to the waves, learn how to read palms and how to milk a cow. So much!

Whether I have five years left or 50, I’ll strive to make the most of it so that when I’m at the end, I can say that I too, lived a good life.

Photo courtesy of Mr. TGT.

Happiness, Life lessons, Self care

Letting Go

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PeacefulRiver

A friend of mine asked me how to forgive. Wow, talk about a million dollar question.

I thought back on my life and the times when I hung on to blame and fury. The simplest thing could set me off and instead of recognizing it for what it was, I seethed more.

I liken forgiveness to a boat on a river. When you’re angry or blaming another for  anything in your life, you’re working against the river. You’re clenched against a losing battle, trying desperately to hold close to that rock. You may hold your ground but you’ll never move ahead and you will, most likely, move back.

When you forgive, when you let things go, all of a sudden the river calms. You simply float.

But how do you get there? The first step is to recognize that you need to change your viewpoint and that you’re only hurting yourself. Anger does not affect anyone but you. Remember when you flew off the handle at something seemingly benign? You can thank the anger for that.

The next step is to view what you’ve been through as an avenue of growth. You survived it and learned something in the process. Are you stronger? More independent? Do you value life or love or friendship differently? I view life as one big lesson. That’s why we’re so much wiser as we age.

The third step is to imagine the situation from the other person’s perspective. None of us are faultless or perfect. How would he or she share the story? It’s highly doubtful you would be relayed as a victim – and you don’t want to be the victim anyway. You are strong and resilient.

The last step, and this one may take a while, is to wish him or her well in the future. It is true that everything we put out there returns to us. So even if this person is no longer in your life, if you’ve parted ways, be happy that you had some time together and wish the best for both of you.

“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” Author unknown.

Photo courtesy of Caroline.

Happiness, Life lessons

The Bravest Man I Know

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A friend of mine has been fighting for his life for over seven months.

He’s a peaceful guy. An artist, a fisherman, a reader – soulful and relaxed. Picture a guy fishing by the lake under a clear blue sky showing a child how to tie a fly, not a care in the world, and that is Jack. He’s the guy who, when you speak to him, he really hears you, really listens. He’s not distracted by his phone or work or anything else. He’s the kind of guy you envy and then wish you hadn’t. How can you envy someone so kind? He has more friends than anyone but is also the most modest fellow you can find. 

Since his diagnosis, one he dealt with nine years ago as well, he has had to leave his job, be admitted to the hospital again and again, spend Christmas surrounded by noisy machines and cold floors, suffer through a myriad of medications that caused confusion and nausea and pain, and see his wife and daughters deal with uncertainty and fear on a daily basis.

His plight has been long with no end in sight. Recently, he made the decision to stop. He cannot take any more poking or prodding, more unfulfilled promises. He’s been moved from a hospital bed to a hospice bed to spend the rest of his days at peace. 

I was thinking about how hard that decision must have been. To say, “I give this to God now, I surrender.” How many thoughts must rustle in your head as you ponder the next steps for you and your family. As far as I’m concerned, he is the bravest man I know. My friend, my comrade, Jack.