Three Keys to Happiness
Something occurred to me this week that may have already occurred to you. I’ve been studying the pursuit of happiness for many years but sometimes I need to be knocked in the head before I listen.
I’ve learned that there are three keys to being happy:
- Be thankful for your gifts – from the people in your lives to your unique skills
- Make a difference – in a child’s life, in a friend’s struggle, in a stranger’s plight
- Be present – don’t fret the past and don’t worry about the future
For me, that last one is the toughest. Taking responsibility for my happiness NOW seems really difficult. But is it? If I truly let go of the past, and don’t worry about what may come, then I can concentrate on making the most of today. And this is what struck me this week: today is all we have.
Think about that for a minute: Today is all we have.
Yesterday is gone
No matter what it may have held, good or bad, yesterday is gone. You cannot bring it back, you cannot be 21 again, you cannot experience that relationship as it was or resurrect a loved one, and you cannot take back what you said.
In an excerpt from “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D., a chapter on Self-Created Suffering explains, “All too often we perpetuate our pain, keep it alive, by replaying our hurts over and over again in our minds, magnifying our injustices in the process. We repeat our painful memories with the unconscious wish perhaps that somehow it will change the situation – but it never does. Of course, sometimes this endless recounting of our woes can serve a limited purpose; it can add drama and a certain excitement to our lives or elicit attention and sympathy from others. But this seems like a poor trade-off for the unhappiness we continue to endure.”
The book tells of a session with a well-groomed, middle-aged gentleman. “ ‘That bitch!’ he cried suddenly, his voice seething with rage. ‘My damn wife! Ex-wife, now. She was having an affair behind my back! And after everything I did for her. That little . . . that little . . . SLUT!’ His voice became louder, more angry, and more venomous, as for the next twenty minutes he recounted grievance after grievance against his ex-wife.
Our time was coming to a close . . . I redirected him. ‘Well, most people have difficulty adjusting to a recent divorce, and that is certainly something we can address in future sessions,’ I said soothingly. ‘By the way, how long have you been divorced?’
‘Seventeen years, last May.’ ”
Seventeen years! This poor man wasted 17 years lamenting a lost relationship. What might he have built if he’d let it go?
Tomorrow is not here yet
You cannot predict what tomorrow holds or whether it’s good or bad. Worrying about what may come only ruins your present moment – and you may even be wrong – so you’re ruining today thinking about something that may not even occur.
Today is right in front of you
You can only control your actions and reactions today. If you experience a setback, you can either wallow in self pity (believe me, I’ve done it) or learn something from it.
I believe the simplicity in all this is what makes it complicated. We, as humans, have this erroneous tendency to think that life is hard, success is fleeting, and we can alter future events. This is all wrong.
Rumi writes:
“But Father Reason says
No need to announce the future!
This now is it. This. Your deepest need and desire
is satisfied by the moment’s energy
here in your hand.”